My Balinese Healer

Today I went to Ubud Sari Spa for my appointment with the traditional Balinese psychic healer. My friend Yaari told me she went there and had a black widow spider removed from her aura by a healer. I was not sure it was the same one, but it seemed like it was. I was hoping, as I always am, that someone in this line of "alternative" healers I see will find a way to relieve me of this thing called meniere's that Western medicine seems unable to cure and can only partially treat.

Since my flare up the other day that sent me to the Toya clinic, I've been pretty good, though I am always feeling like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and one strong wind can push me over, meaning, I always feel like a spell of vertigo is imminent and unpredictable.

I was feeling slightly off this morning after breakfast, as I usually do. I was about to lie down under the ceiling fan for a bit and rest, but I was too excited about my session with the Traditional Balinese Psychic healer. Instead, I walked down the street to make an appointment with Agung Wijaya, the guy who did my multi-dimensional healing the other day. I made an appointment to see him tomorrow for a three hour Balinese healing which includes all kinds of leaves, herbs, roots, etc., as well as massage, psychic scanning, reiki and energy work. So far, the longest session I have done has been two hours. I think I'm ready for the works!

After making my appointment, I hopped onto moto, which I am really appreciating having now, even though I am still morally opposed to the idea of it, it's hella convenient! I rode down past the Monkey Forest where a few monkeys had wandered out to the parking lot. They looked kind of cute out there away from the hordes of others in their own habitat where I felt they had the advantage, being able to swing from trees and jump out of bushes and all that. Here they were just hanging out in the parking lot. One big one and one baby looking very defenseless and vulnerable (though probably waiting to pounce on someone with bananas before the others could get to them).

Soon I was at Ubud Sari Spa, 30 minutes early!

It is an older slightly funky place compared to some of the newer spas, well, wait, I guess I haven't been to a newer spa, so this had a kind of 70's feel to it, kind of Moosewood Cookbook era, even though the sign said it was founded in 1996. It looks like they have their own little organic garden and they also have yoga classes. I imagined brown rice and tempeh burgers being popular there.

They told me Ipu Marlina had not arrived yet, but as I was sitting there an old woman came walking in wearing socks and flip flops (which I always find a really odd looking combination). I thought it might be her, but it looked like she went in the kitchen. Pretty soon after she arrived, they escorted me to the lockers.

I was told to lock my valuables in the lockers behind the front desk. I put my laptop and wallet (I had my laptop because I was planning on catching some wifi for lunch) and carried my backpack and helmet. I was led to another set of lockers where I put my clothes, backpack and helmet and wondered why I didn't just lock everything in one locker. Was Ubud Sari Spa a dangerous place?

I was given a sarong, which I tied around my waist, and led to my treatment room where I met Ipu Marlina. Ipu means mother (I was later told by her).

I thought she was going to do a psychic scan and cleanse my aura. I was thinking of the pranic healing I had in Argentina last year about this time when I was not touched at all and suspected the woman was reading People en Español for the entire hour. Instead Ipu Marlina first chatted with me.

When I told her my name she said it reminded her of the singer. "Who?", I asked. "Ricky Nelson", she said. That was so funny because he is who I was named after. Maybe she was psychic!

She reminded me of an elderly Indonesian student I had last semester named Flora. She spoke English with the same intonation and rolled rrrrs that Florrra spoke with. She was sweet, but acted like an old woman, searching through her purse for things that seemed really difficult to find, losing her train of thought, etc. I thought it would be an interesting session.

She asked me to write my name and address in her little book, which I did. We exchanged information. She asked where I was from. I asked where she was from. She said she is from Bali but her parents were from Java. Her mother from one island in Java and her father from another.

She never asked me about any problems I was having or why I was there. No one has so far, but I figured since she was a "healer" she might be curious, but then again she was psychic, so she would soon figure it out if she hadn't already.

She then told me to take off the sarong and lie down face up. Boy, I felt self-conscious being butt naked in front of those male masseuses, but here I was stripping in front of a grandmother. Well, I thought, she's probably seen lots of naked men by now. Fortunately, after I was on the table, she bunched up the sarong and put it on my private parts. Finally, the grape leaf I was hoping for!

She started by applying a spicy oil to my face, and then all over my body. It smelled like turmeric and other spices. Again with the curry making!

After that, she applied another oil, this one smelled like lemongrass. Perhaps we were making a Thai green curry!

I lost track, but she may have then pulled out another oil. She then started massaging my right foot and leg. It was a nice massage, not too strong or painful. She seemed to be working kind of intuitively, as she seemed to know where I needed to be touched, which areas needed extra attention. She worked quickly and it seemed automatically. All of the fumbling and confusion she exhibited earlier were no longer present.

When she finished she picked my leg up and dropped it on the table. She repeated this two more times. Then she said, "Do you want me to show you what I did?"

I wasn't sure what she meant, but of course, I had to say yes.

She told me to sit up.

"Look at your legs", she said, "what do you see?"

I wanted to say, "two legs", but I knew that wasn't the answer she was looking for. To be honest I was kind of in a massage haze. I had been lying with my eyes closed and it took a while for them to adjust to the light.

She got tired of waiting and said, "you see, this one is thin, the other is puffy". I could see it! She also pointed out that the color of one was light and the other one dark (light being the good one). It was amazing. I wasn't sure if she was simply suggesting the difference and therefore I was seeing it, or if it was really there.

She then did the same thing to my other leg and when she was done, told me to look. Again it looked slim. No more cankles (which I discovered to my horror in the 360 degree full-length mirror in the elevator of my hotel in Bangkok), but nice slim legs that worked their way down to slimmer and nicely defined ankles. I was hoping she would have the same success with my mid-section which at times looks like I'm four months pregnant.

She repeated the same process with my hands and arms. At this point she became chatty. I usually don't like to chat during a massage and the worst for me is a masseuse who asks a lot of inappropriate questions (are you married?, how much money do you make?, etc...) Fortunately, she was just talking and not asking too much of me, though when she did ask if I was married and I told her no, she said, "oh, free".

She told me the fleshy part between my thumb and index finger was swollen and asked me to feel the difference between mine and hers. Yes, it was different, but she was a 71 year old woman and I was a pudgy 50 year old man. She gave me a lecture about taking care of myself, eating well, etc. She asked my blood type (which I think is O) and told me that with my blood type I could eat meat. That's good. She said no fat though. I guess she doesn't realize that a lot of meat has fat, but I think she was talking about oils and added fats. She told me that for the Balinese, when you are over 50 you are .... I forget what she said, but her point was that over 50 is a new stage of life, and you should act accordingly. She said it is the time to think about yourself. I imagine this is because until then you are raising children and working and all and by 50 your kids are grown and you can have a life again. In my case, this didn't seem to apply. I've had my whole life to think about myself, but it doesn't mean I've taken the best care of myself.

Each time I closed my eyes, she'd start talking again. I thought it would be rude to not talk, so I opened my eyes and we chatted. Plus, she was interesting and really sweet.

She told me she didn't know where her grandmother was from, but that maybe she was European. That is where she got the name, Marlina, she was named after Marlena Dietrich, or maybe her grandmother, or both (I kind of got confused there).

She said she has a lot of students who come to her to learn healing. I asked her how she learned and she said she didn't. "I didn't learn", she said. She just knew what to do, even from when she was a young baby. She said people in her village would come to see her. Sometimes they would place her hands on places on their body where they needed to be healed. She said she had a lot of friends who followed her around all the time. People came to her for a healing and had no money to pay. Later they would bring fruit or coconuts or food. Either she was making this all up or she was indeed someone special. I was moved by the story because I have been reading so much about people in poor countries with no access to medical care. At least the people in her village had her.

She was also hinting about me traveling around to different places in Bali and then later she was more direct about offering her services as a tour guide. While I thought it would be interesting, I really wasn't in the mood to go traveling anywhere, and especially with a 71 year old Traditional Balinese Psychic Healer. She probably would have been climbing mountains with me lagging behind all puffy and sweating and out of breath.

After she had finished massaging my face with more oil, she grunted something. I had my eyes closed because she had been massaging my face. I opened them and saw she was holding a little mirror in a big, elaborate tropical-themed frame. I could barely make out my face in the small mirror, but from what I saw was I was smiling. I don't know if I was smiling because I was blissed-out or because I thought it was funny the way she was holding this frame with parrots, orchids and bananas in front of my face, or both. She said, "you like?" and I said yes. "10 years younger", she cooed. I only wished it were true and long-lasting. I imagined what I would look like after my 18 hours of flying back to SF.

She told me other stories about people she knew, things she had done, and at one point made me sit up to look at a bird with a red beak. I was lying on my stomach now, with my butt fully exposed, the sarong off to one side. She said, "Do you want to see a bird?" - I thought perhaps I had a bird-shaped birthmark on my leg or she had perhaps pulled a bird out of my aura. I said, "huh?", and she said, "Look outside".

I looked outside. The treatment room looked out onto a very murky river which was backed by a mini jungle. I had seen a small crocodile swimming out there when we were first sitting and chatting, but as I lifted my head up, I could not see any bird. "Up more", she said. So I strained and lifted my head up off the table and finally was able to see a beautiful blue bird with a funny red beak.

When the massage was finished she had me stand up and put the sarong on (finally!) and she showed me some exercises. They reminded me of the kind of exercises my Chinese seniors did in one class I had. Circle your arms, circle your head, put your hands on your knees and circle your knees. Each time she would say, "that will be all" and then "do you feel warm there?" and of course I did.

Even though I was disappointed that she didn't find any spiders or snakes or other creepy things that she cleared from my aura, or that she didn't even mention my aura, I really enjoyed my time with her. I felt it was really special and an experience that only she could give me. Sure some of the other massage therapists might be trained and know fancy techniques and all, but this woman was a local treasure, and how lucky was I to have her here and available to work on me.

I felt bad because she said she doesn't get any clients anymore. She has returned to working in the fields. She said she used to get four or five clients per day and now she has none. So because of that, and the fact that I felt she was indeed a special person with a real gift, I decided to book another session with her.

I asked her if next time she could try to help me with a problem I have with my ear. She said, sure, but that she already did work on it a little.

Hmmm....